I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Its about making memories worth repressing
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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