Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
