Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
