Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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