I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
