The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
