Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize