I feel like I'm in dance class right now
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
