I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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