Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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