If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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