my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
