Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
