and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
