i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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