I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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