you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
