By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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