I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
