He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
