its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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