i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
