I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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