She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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