I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize