just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
