He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
