This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
