I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
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