He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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