Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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