apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
