I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
