I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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