the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
