Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
