plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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