I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
