i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
