Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm sobbing to NWA
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
