Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
