loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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