Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
