I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
