new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
