she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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