you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize