I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
