I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
