I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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