but the lizard people decide everything anyway
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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