Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
