we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize