no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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