i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
