you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize
