what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Found the puke drawer
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
