Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
