Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
