they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
