dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
home. puking in laundry basket.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
