I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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