Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
