i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
