If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
