I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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