I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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