Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
